Meet foreplay’s big sister. Sensual massage.
There’s a version of intimacy that doesn’t get nearly enough credit and it doesn’t start with undressing. It starts with slowing down.
Sensual and erotic massages sit in this space. They’re not about performance or rushing to a finish line. They’re about presence, touch and giving your partner (or yourself) the kind of focused attention that most of us are genuinely starved of. And yet, for a lot of people, the idea of giving or receiving one feels a little intimidating, like it's something reserved for couples who have their whole act together (spoiler: that doesn’t exist).
So let’s unpack what sensual and erotic massages actually are, how they differ and how to give one that actually lands.
What is a sensual massage?
A sensual massage is a form of full-body touch that’s designed to heighten physical awareness and deepen intimacy between partners. The word “sensual” refers to the senses, not specifically to sex. A sensual massage engages touch, smell, sound and presence in a way that creates connection and relaxation before anything else.
It’s slower than a regular massage, more intentional and the goal isn’t to work out muscle knots (ouch!). It’s to help your partner feel safe, seen and physically attuned to you. Think of it as a way of communicating through touch rather than words.
A sensual massage can be entirely non-sexual if that’s what you both want, or it can naturally evolve into something more. That’s entirely up to the two of you.
What is an erotic massage?
An erotic massage takes the foundations of a sensual massage and adds an explicit element of sexual arousal and pleasure. The intention is different from the outset. Where a sensual massage focuses on relaxation and connection, an erotic massage is specifically aimed at building desire and physical intimacy.
That said, the two overlap more than most people realise. Both involve slow, deliberate touch. Both benefit from a comfortable environment, good oils and genuine attention to your partner’s responses.
The main difference is really about intention and where things are headed.
Neither type has a set script. You don't need to follow a formula. What matters most is that both people are comfortable, communicating and present.
What is a tantric massage?
A tantric massage comes from a spiritual tradition rooted in Tantra, and is quite different from both sensual and erotic massages. Tantric is focused on moving sexual energy through the body and is often practiced with specific breathwork and techniques. It’s typically facilitated by a trained practitioner rather than a partner at home, and it’s less about physical pleasure than it is about energetic and spiritual experience.
If you’re reading this because you want to connect more deeply with a partner, sensual and erotic messages are the most accessible place to start.
How to give a sensual or erotic massage
-
Set the scene first - This sounds obvious and maybe a bit corny but it genuinely makes a difference. Cold lighting, a pile of laundry on the floor or your phone buzzing every few minutes are not conducive to intimacy. Take five minutes to set things up properly. Dim the lights, use candles, put some soft music on, warm up the room and have everything you need within reach before your start (think: towel, oil, pillow etc)
-
Talk about it beforehand - This doesn’t need to be a formal conversation (which could ruin the mood before you even start). It’s just worth checking in before, about what feels good, what’s off limits and what kind of experience you’re both looking for. Is it for relaxation or is it heading somewhere more explicitly intimate? If communicating your desires is something you find tricky, this piece on how to tell your partner what you want is a good place to start.
-
Choose the right oil - Not to be overlooked. The oil you use affects how the massage feels, how long it lasts and how your skin feels afterwards. You want something that glides well, absorbs slowly and doesn’t leave a tacky residue.
Tussle's Extra Virgin oil-based lube doubles beautifully as a massage oil. It's made with unrefined coconut oil, jojoba oil, castor oil and vitamin E, which means it's nourishing for skin, long-lasting and genuinely lovely to use. It's one of those products that works harder than its name suggests, and for a full-body massage it's ideal. A small amount goes a long way.
One thing to keep in mind: oil-based products aren't compatible with latex condoms. If you're planning to use a condom later in the evening, keep that in mind when choosing your oil. We cover all the compatibility details in our guide to lube types. -
Pay attention to feedback - We’re not talking about running commentary (please, no), but do stay attuned to how your partner is responding. A relaxed exhale, a shift in breathing, a small sound of pleasure, these are all useful signals. So is tension or a flinch. Touch is a conversation, and you’re both speaking with your bodies.
-
Explore the whole body - Sensual massage is about the whole body, not just the obvious bits. The back of the knees, the inner arms, the scalp, the sides of the torso, these areas are often overlooked and can be surprisingly sensitive. Taking time here shows genuine attention and builds a kind of full-body awareness that’s quite different from jumping straight to more explicit touch.
If you're interested in understanding more about sensory pleasure and what really gets people going, our piece on turn-ons and turn-offs is worth a look.
Best sensual massage techniques
You don’t need to be a masseuse to give a good massage. A few basic techniques, done slowly and with intention, are all you need.
- Long, gliding strokes - Think of this as your foundation. Using your whole hand, apply light to medium pressure in long smooth strokes along the back, neck, inner thighs and glutes. Always move towards the heart. This relaxes muscles, warms the skin and gets the oil working for you.
- Kneading - Using your thumbs and fingers, gently knead the muscles like dough. This works well on the shoulders, upper back, glutes and calves. Be mindful not to apply too much pressure to bony areas. If you want to take it up a notch, a very gentle knead around the perineum area can help relax those areas, depending on what direction you’d like to take the massage.
- Soft touch - Using just your fingertips or fingernails, trace very lightly across the skin. This activates the nerve endings close to the surface and can feel amazing around the back, inner arms and thighs. Contrast between firm strokes and featherlight ones is one of the most pleasurable things in a sensual massage.
- Hair and scalp - Don’t underestimate the scalp. Running your fingers through your partner’s hair and applying gentle pressure to the scalp is deeply relaxing and deeply intimate.
Sensual and erotic massage is a shared experience, and that means ongoing communication matters throughout. Check in. Pay attention. If something isn’t working, say so or ask. The intimacy of touch means that feeling safe and respected is everything.
If you and your partner are still building confidence around communicating desires openly, Chantelle Otten's guide to talking about what you want in the bedroom is a genuinely useful read.
Ready to get started? Shop Extra Virgin and find out what a proper massage oil feels like. Or if you're after something water-based for later in the evening, Playmate has you covered. Not sure which is right for you? Take our quiz.
